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I gave up dating at 22 but maybe will try again when I turn 23

Trying to date sucks at 22 so I am taking a break at 23.

By chandraalilijah / February 3, 2023

I am done dating. Yes, this is a rant.

Oh, you’re just 22, have fun. Date! Date everybody! Don’t take it seriously.

Sadly, it’s not simple to “date” and have fun. I tried.

I wasn’t one of those girls who had a boyfriend or was dating in high school, so once I did start dating ( my first date was at 19) it was a rollercoaster.

One that was fun, heartbreaking, crazy, a mess and whatever other extra adjectives I could think of.

My first relationship wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t all that it seemed. Whatever that means. The relationships, or shall, I say WASTE OF TIME MEN that came after that, weren’t great.

Dating at 22 has just not been fun for me. The guys may be nice, and they entertain me, but they just don’t get relationships.

Some treat women like garbage or can’t tell a good woman from a bad one. Some make it their duty to belittle you and try to make you seem crazy. Some are just losers and don’t want a woman who seems she has it all together because that hurts their ego. OH, and let’s not forget the “let’s hang out” men, but we never hang out.

My dating experience

Once dating turned messy and not fun, it made me realize that I just can’t do it at the moment. I am 22, I just graduated a year ago, I have a job, I blog, I have my business I am trying to get up and running and here I am crying about someone who’s just… not worth it.

I felt like I was investing too much time in dating or even trying to be a man’s friend. Pizza Cat was good, but I could have been at home blogging, Grandma Bob’s was cute, but the pizza was nasty. Oh, and the other guy? Your tacos were a little dry but thanks for dinner.

In those moments, don’t get me wrong, I was thankful, but the conversations and the actions AFTER those dates didn’t make me feel wanted. Every woman wants to feel wanted.

It just felt like I was doing something because I was bored and thought “oh why not date, I am young”. In that same process, I was opening myself to the bare minimum and not realizing that none of these men were what I truly wanted.

I couldn’t see myself being with them for a long time, YES I AM A OVER THINKER AND PLAN MY FUTURE WITH EVERY GUY I TALK TOO IN MY HEAD. WHATEVER.. but I don’t think I could handle or was truly fit for the “I just date you and sleep with you, but you’re not my girl frfr” or the “no titles, I am not going to say I like you because that’s going too far” or “Yeah I am not ready for a relationship now because I am like not mentally there, but I like you and am going to lead you on like we’re in a relationship and when I see you getting closer, I am going to back up”.

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I hated feeling like I was a perfect girlfriend with love and care to give, but nobody wanted it or was just not what I wanted.

So I decided it was best to just stop. To not go on dating apps, to not slide in dms and to just let the men go… I didn’t block them, but some might of blocked me. I just decided that I’m not ready to date myself.

It took me some time to realize that maybe “I am the problem too”. SIKE, but I just noticed that none of these guys seem to like me they don’t make me feel anything they don’t put in the effort as someone who truly wants to be with someone. So I said maybe it’s time to self-reflect, work on yourself and take a break. I am a firm believer that sometimes if the people you are attracting are just not it, ask yourself why are you attracting those people. 

That does not mean something is wrong with you, but it may just mean you need to work on yourself, so you can find that person that is ready so you both can be ready together.

I began to realize that I’m not truly over what happened between my ex and I. As the girlies would say, “you need to heal”. Don’t get me wrong, I ain’t crying about it like I used to, or I am not still stalking his page (..no comment), but I still think a lot to myself, “why did that happen to me”. I try to convince myself that everything happens for a reason, but when you are a good person, and something bad happens to you it makes you uncomfortable, insecure and in your head a lot because you’re constantly picking yourself apart trying to understand WHAT happened.

BUT that’s a conversation for another day and I don’t feel like talking anymore.

Date whoever you want but know you

The moral of the story is I didn’t stop dating because NO ONE LOVES ME, but I stopped dating because I want time for me, time for my business, time to heal and move on, time to understand me more and figure out what I would want in a relationship.

Plus I’m just hoping that God does that thing where my future husband and I just so happen are in the same place at the same time, and we don’t know we’re each other’s mates, but we meet and BOOM. Just a thought! Haha… not really!

To conclude, I turn 23 on June 23, so I will keep you all posted on my 23rd birthday if I plan to date again or if God does that thing and I have a boo!

If you’re spending Valentine’s Day alone like me, read my latest blog post about eight solo date ideas. I think I am going to do the Salentine’s party.

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