A few months ago, I wrote this quirky post about love.
I read it a few days ago it was so cheesy.
Almost cringe, but here we are.
Dear Love Bug,
By now, we’re supposed to be planning our summer plans; my birthday is next month.
Yay…
I am here, you’re somewhere out there in the atmosphere, but I haven’t given up on our timing.
When love isn’t right in your face
I mean, my mom and family love me, and I suppose my doggy too.
But sometimes you crave love from your person, especially when you know they exist.
It’s just how do you not give up when it feels like, “Where is my person, why are they taking so long? Am I not healed enough? I mean, I prayed just yesterday.”
I am writing a whole book at this point.
And love still hasn’t knocked on my door.
Well, do your hobbies
It’s always the saying, “They’ll come when you least expect it.”
Sure, I mean, maybe randomly at work, I’ll receive a love letter, or I’ll be on Isle 5 at Walmart. Shoot, maybe an even random text while I am working on 6:23.
They always say, “Oh, just worry about yourself, and love will come.”
I believe that, but I am worried about myself! I take care of Chandra.
Always on a solo coffee date, riding my bike, enjoying the weather, hanging with family, embracing quality time.
Maybe I want to add my person to the scene.
I can take care of myself and be in love.
And that’s because I am prepped
For the last few months, even years, honestly, I’ve been learning to love Chandra, value her, apologize to her, embrace her, and allow her to confidently say, “It’s time to share myself with someone.”
How do you know?
I’ve held conversations, and it’s not to be disclosed ultimately, but I’ve held conversations.
Am I looking in the right spaces
That’s another thing, I am not actively looking for a man. No, God is showing me things.
God is also showing me what’s not a man, what a man is, and giving me the playbook. He’s truly taking his time with this love story.
So, no, I am not going out to bars or directly reaching out to men because if you know about the conversations, then you know. It doesn’t work like that.
The waiting game
I am impatient, I am bored, could’ve had a few, but I am also intentional and intelligent.
There are many men in the garden.
Some are very attractive, very kind, even talented, but if they’re not aligned with me, God is clearly removing them.
There one day, gone the next.
There one second, removed the next.
That’s how real the conversations are.
Are you getting my drift?
Patience
Trying.
I am holding on because God gives me sweet surprises that bring tears to my eyes.
He’s an intentional God, careful, strong, smart, and very intentional.
Letting me know the process, the wait is crucial.
Simple trips to grab some food, and I add a new paragraph to the book. If we can’t look at each other and pray over each other after a side of fries, I don’t want it.
I don’t need a fancy dinner to feel important; I need you to hold me where we are and say, “Let me make it better, let’s pray.”
Pray for me.
I am praying for you
May 2026.
I sit in my bed, entangled in my blankets, writing to you.
No, I don’t know you yet besides the “conversations,” but I know. Hmmph.
You’re not too far away.
While it seems so far away, I know you’re not too far away.
I said to myself tonight that if I ever had to tell my future daughter about my life story, I wouldn’t want to give her a book.
I would show her the visual instead
I can’t settle because I gotta be able to give my children the visual I wrote the notes on.
And some would say, “Why you thinking that far?”
Yeah, I am 25, but I am only rising, not descending. And eventually someone’s gotta take over this mission, and I gotta trust that I made the right decision for my descendants.
They deserve a visual.
Not just any ole visual but a “This was intentional.”
Do you see why I can’t settle
Woo.
So, dear love bug.
I don’t know what to say anymore because I feel like I just gave it away.
I don’t desire a partnership but a life partner. Someone I can call on when I am tired, not just when I am tired, but when I am honored as well.
Send my favorite reader a bit of love.
So sweet, only the one from above could’ve placed this together.
No fear, no worries, just love
With love,
C.Alilijah