“You’re very attractive; why are you single?”
*plays “Contagious” by Young Thug.
Let’s Get Into It
Nah, for real
“Where is your ring?”
It’s at the store, to my knowledge.
I’ve said it a million times, why I am single but being asked out loud hit different. It made me feel like something was wrong. Am I too lonely?
Should my dating history be more intriguing?
I don’t know.
I don’t think so.
Why am I single?
Is it a strict program?
Chandra is single because the men are icky!
That’s too blunt.
I’ve met some okay guys, some childish boys, but have yet to meet a grown man with good intentions.
The men who’ve tried to become suitors are not well qualified to continue the position. They forget it costs $0 to be natural; stop pretending.
Or stop trying to play Mr. Nice Guy when you’re really a dog.
I am single because I don’t want to date just anybody. I am single because I have zero tolerance for a man using me for sexual advances and casual hookups.
My body is precious, and can’t be touched by the wrong man. I don’t engage in casualities.
I am seeking longevity, so no, I don’t want to hang out in your car. We’re grown.
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Exploring the fruits
I tried to be adventurous for research purposes and talk to a man who wasn’t black, and that was not for me. The cultural differences were intriguing, but his stereotypical mask of Black women was evident.
We’re not going to throw you sex because you think your savvy accent and kind words make me want to drop my drawers.
Very honest of me, right?
It’s true.
The exotic fruit always seems refreshing because it’s something new, but the conversation was just too flat to me. It was very surface-level and boring.
I don’t need a man over-complimenting me and just agreeing for the sake of “I secretly want to sleep with you, but I gotta pretend to be nice so I can get inside”. That’s the oldest trick in the book, and it’s interesting when you expose yourself with your promiscuous ways.
It’s in the slick comments you deem as flirty and casual that I can hear the undertone, “he just wants to sleep with me,” because why can’t we just sit in the coffee shop and enjoy the coffee? Why do we have to go back to the car for a more “intimate conversation?”
I don’t know you.
If you’ve been reading my blog the past few days, you can tell that situation really bothered me.
Talking to a non-Black man was lowkey horrible. I didn’t have expectations, I was completing research, and my results were very typical.
He didn’t understand me. And I don’t think he would’ve ever, and I saw myself losing Chan if I would’ve continued to keep on the performance of dating said man. Dealing with his mischievous ways.
I wasn’t turned on; I was actually disgusted by the forced complimenting and wanted to stop being called a “cutie”. I am 26, not 16.
Or maybe I just didn’t like him when he sent this selfie video, and I realized, “Girl, why didn’t you ask him to take off his glasses when you originally saw him?”
It’s always in the eyes.
I like my men with soft eyes
Do people realize eyes tell the story of the soul?
Or eyes tell exactly what you’re feeling at the moment?
You can tell by someone’s eyes if they’re sinister or not.
Just a few days ago at work, I was faced with a demon threatening to rob us, and I was quite scared because I knew he wasn’t lying at all.
When you’re faced with a demon, you feel their energy immediately, and it’s dark. You think the girl who you don’t like is demonic until you meet someone who literally carries the darkness.
That girl is just unlikeable; that demon – you stay clear.
It’s always in the eyes.
I have to date men with soft eyes. Calmness represented in a feature that makes me feel warm, invited, not scared.
So, I am single
I judge men by their conversation and how fast they bring up sex. I judge men who only want casual hookups and tell women, “How can an attractive woman like you not have any hookups in the last years? I don’t understand”
If you’re still in the mindset that attractiveness equals hookups, then you’re still in a little boy mindset.
The money and the title mean absolutely nothing because many fools are successful at being a loser.
Great quality men aren’t seeking casual sex.
Great quality women aren’t seeking casual sex.
And if I got spiritual with you, I’ll be taking it too far and reminding you that maybe you need to –
I ain’t going to go there.
It’s a choice until he shows up
Baby, the men before you.
Hookup culture losers, with corporate titles and opportunity.
To be a successful woman seeking a man whose mind isn’t based on sex, casualties, and wasting time. Or throwing a tantrum when you call out a pattern.
He’s not like that.
I could take experiences and say, “Men are annoying, I’ll be single blah blah blah.”
But I know God is preparing me. As my cousin would say, “You’re practicing”. Well, I am done with the pre-trials.
I desire HIM.
I can handle HIM.
When you’re used to crappy dating and meeting men with bad intentions, you could easily fall into the trap of aloneness.
Just accepting dating isn’t in your cards.
Or you can easily say, “That was a practice run; I succeeded by getting right up out of there. God bring me the real deal.”
Because I am tired.
Maybe HIM is still in his practice run; maybe I need to stop giving out my number to the randos and get back in the position of feeling like my one is near, be more intentional.
MAYBE
I need to ask God to give me the steps of his arrival, let God set the scene, write the script, and execute.
“You’re 26, just date”, I tried.
I am 26, and I want my mate. My one.
Chandra isn’t meant for a roster of men; not many men deserve my conversation or even my attention. It’s built for someone intentional.
But I am tired of repeating myself.
May God bring my one.