Twenty-four, educated, talented and a true fashion icon.
Not cocky, very humble. Very collaborative, very intentional, right? Well.
What do you do when your back is up against the wall and it’s swords coming from every angle saying, “BE MORE LIKE THIS,” and you’re just like … “Yeah, no. Let’s not.”
Actually, back up. Immediately.
Let’s set the scene
Thank you, Most High. Let’s start there.
At 24 years old, I saw myself blossom into a wild flower. I was coming into my natural flair, embracing the woman I wanted to be and trying to execute my skills.
Getting cussed out over the phone about Rouge Park pool being opened or closed wasn’t cutting it. Not having heated seats or a car windshield that turned into an ice rink if the temperature didn’t drop below 30 wasn’t either. I was annoyed.
I can confidently say, I was annoyed because I knew my life deserved an upgrade… but at what cost?
See, when you’re annoyed, you get drastic. You start to make decisions based on annoyance, on the idea that the grass is greener somewhere else. When in actuality, sometimes you fall deeper in the mud. You fall into a pit of rocks and now you’re stuck trying to loosen the … I don’t know where I am going with that. Let me stop.
In latter terms, what I am trying to say is sometimes God has a funny way of saying, “Hey, be mindful, your time is coming. Don’t rush the process.” But when you’re 24, and you really want to make money, execute your skills, and stop being yelled at over the phone, you hop up and make a drastic decision.
“We made it” – oh, that was too easy
Fancy title, new money, new problems.
Pretty desk, new foods, new bills, new problems.
Ahh, I giggle as I sit here and drink my strawberry lemonade because lowkey, “What be going on?”
“How did we get here?”
Alright, it’s July 2024, we’re making a transition. Going to Marshalls buying new outfits, shocked, happy, and scared because there’s a lot of things going on.
We’re getting other offers, people saying, “be mindful,” but we really want that new car, we really want that new title, we really want to make more money.
Ahh, money, that big dollar sign in our mind. Did we really need it or…? lol
At what cost did we really need that pay raise? My mind was on the money, honestly, well at first.
But who else at 24 would turn down an opportunity? Was that the catch?
As I sit here, I think and say to myself, “Wow, Chandra, you did choose money,” but you gotta understand when you’re being shown by your friends how much they make and you’re like, “Shoot, I can make that too”…
You get drastic and you make decisions that probably need a little more time for consideration.
However, sometimes the grass just isn’t as green as it seems.
Or, did you just not know how to maintain the grass
Well, it’s a combination. I thought I could, but Chandra wasn’t ready. She wasn’t prepped; she was jumping into a pool of sharks and was about to be eaten alive.
But, the Most High was like, “Yeah, no. Let’s not go any further than this”.
Thank God.
Because who I am today needed that reality check.
The reality check of -not every space needs your voice
That doesn’t mean that the space is bad or isn’t a good space, but it’s not good for me.
I believe that in life, you find yourself in challenging situations to help you learn and grow your weaknesses and strengths. Without challenges, you can’t grow; without moments of trial, you can’t find yourself.
Sometimes that moment of “getting out of character” is a good, “Girl, what are you doing?” moment for you to come back center.
That chapter of 24 left me feeling so many emotions, but I never lost Chan
Am I worth it? Yes
Am I talented? – Very
Am I groovy? – Yes
Am I educated? – Very
Am I pretty? – Very
Am I creative? – VERY
Am I cool? – Yes
Am I HER- Exactly.
I am EXACTLY the woman I know I am
From how my mom and grandma raised me, to be a woman of good value, high standards, morality, and class. A God-led woman who makes good decisions and thinks before she reacts.
I had to remind myself, never let anything, anybody get you out of character.
I know who I am in this society and I don’t accept any opinion of me that’s beneath my true character because it doesn’t have a room in my house, aka my mind.
See, the problem is when you know you – people don’t like that. It shakes the till.
When you’re confident, not afraid to be different, surrounded by masks, you’re a threat.
Sadly, a lethal one.
Ouch.
So, what happens
You find yourself in sticky situations, you find yourself questioning yourself, like, “Am I tripping or are you INTENTIONALLY trying to dismantle me?”
And you thought you got me, but you really cut the chain that was already created by the Most High.
God removed me.
The catch is, you made me a villain while everyone else is just a poor, innocent victim of my confidence.
Or it can simply be, “Let me get up out of here because this isn’t apart of my story anymore or my calling.”
Full circle moment right
But people forget the juice, the source, the powerhouse behind the confidence. Aka, God, The Most High, The Most High God, who has the final say.
So when you see the person you tried to strip and make them feel small, say enticing things about them, push them out, make very elaborate accusations about them -God has a funny way of saying, “Sure, maybe, but I was really the force.”
Or God says, “Seeee, it wasn’t your time yet. You ruined it because YOU wasn’t ready.”
Because no one can remove you from a space that God has created for you.
Only you and your actions can.
Should’ve sat and ate ya french fries
It’s all a learning experience; I have no hate in my heart about any opportunity, any lost connection, any lost momentum that fulfilled just a sector of my life.
I know that anything that has happened in my life has blessed me ten times more in some capacity or in the near future.
I am still humble, I am now God-led, which gives me extra armour and I am okay.
I know who I am and I know who I am not
Now, I have a better understanding of the spaces Chandra needs to be in and what spaces she doesn’t. I’ve learned the power of discernment, and how God says, “Eh not right now, eh not that,” because he’s trying to protect me from what I can’t see.
I can see the attacks before they even happen now and I laugh.
I take the attempt and crumble it like I just wrote the wrong date on a sheet of paper marked January 21, 2026.
My peace calls for me to be more careful with my actions, my words and what I allow myself to think.
I wasn’t a victim; I just got positioned.
Unappointed but received anointing in return
Thank you, God.
Yeah, I did lose my high-paying job with my big girl title, but I am not afraid to talk about it anymore because it’s just a paragraph in a chapter of my life that’s a part of the book.
Last year, I was embarrassed, I felt foolish, but now I don’t. At all.
I feel relieved to be able to share, to be able to say, “Yeah, it happened, but I stand above it”.
Looking back, I am grateful for what I created, the mark I left and the people I did meet who were kind to me and were kind because they just wanted to be.
Being unappointed felt strange, but being anointed feels amazing.
Yeah, I work a retail job now
Yes, my salary did drop drastically. No, my new bills did not change.
However, the same God who placed me there, he placed me here and he hasn’t uh let his hands off me yet.
It’s not easy, it’s not, but I can’t even lie – I love the people I am around right now.
They accept me
I am funny.
I do have a childlike spirit sometimes because I like to have a good time.
I do like fashion, Imma step every.single.time.
I do like just being me with no restraints.
And I thank my retail job for not forcing me to perform or change me. Or make me feel like I have to beg or ask someone, “Hey, can you praise me?”
I know that God placed me here to show me – “Nah, you weren’t too much, you just weren’t a good fit there, but I can show you what it feels like to be accepted for you, unapologetically.”
It’s not the end of the road, it’s a stop on the journey.
Dear young woman, or young man
Take a deep breath.
It’s okay.
I know.
In college, you’re told or promised this “big job with the nice title, good pay” after college. They bring in people from the field and you admire them. You want to walk in their shoes, you want to get that first check and go shopping, invest, pay off your loans, buy a new car, buy a new house, or an apartment. The house may be too much, lol.
Is it a dream? – No.
Because yeah, some are living in that reality, but just because you see someone living in that reality doesn’t mean it’s easy. You never know the daily troubles they’re facing to just be.
Everyone deals with some form of adversary that can be tolerable, that can feel hard, unquestionable or can make you have to do some soul searching.
But, it’s okay.
It’s okay to start over at 25, working the retail job, you said you weren’t going to return to.
It’s okay to take baby steps at 24, and say, “Hmm, I know I want to be there, but let me find peace here first”. “Let me learn the system and the process, if I want to move higher in this company.”
It’s also okay at 23 to say, “Actually, I don’t see myself doing this exact field for 20 plus years.”
Don’t get me wrong, time does move, but at the same time, finding you is timeless.
You will always grow, you will always find yourself in character development moments as you grow and that’s the beauty of life.
Because all icons have character development moments.
Being hot just makes them more dramatic!
Live.
With Love,
C.Alilijah