It’s Friday, around lunchtime.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I got some pretty crappy news this morning. Transparency, or allude to my dilemma?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Born to shop, forced to work!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I sometimes get aggravated about it because I should know better. I could easily be that primetime news journalist. I could. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But maybe I truly love being that small business owner with debt from credit card bills and random student loans that are tanking my credit score.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Right when I am not finna buy a house, my credit score drops. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And of course my husband, who has not made it to the altar yet, is stuck in traffic. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I’m buying $7 coffee and tipping a $1 to make it an $8 thrill. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
That’s the earlier part of my day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am planning to hang out with my homegirl later, and people-watch at the bar and wear sexy chic costumes because it’s Halloween weekend. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Discover probably needs to have a conference call with me, but they can wait until Monday because the virtual assistant has already stressed me out enough. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
She’s the reason I left the Biggby parking lot on 9 Mile and drove to Dessert Oasis on Hilton. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Cause why is 26-year-old Chan dealing with the consequences of what 18- to 24-year-old Chan did?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Thank God she didn’t create a whole human, but girl, you were spending like crazy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
You were acting crazy, and now your 26-year-old self has to deal with the consequences. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
My phone calls used to be from interviewers; now it’s, “Hey, you have this upcoming payment”. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It’s this rich blend of caramel and cinnamon, dusted on top. The most classic latte you’ll ever find. Not too sweet, just right. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
That’s how I feel about me. I am such a dime.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I should be married by now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And I know what you’re thinking: how did we get here?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
How did we come to this conclusion? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
bECAuse<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not only am I 26 and dealing with the debt from that one girl who loved a good trip to Five Below, Michaels, TJ Maxx, or Walmart… she’s also had to heal from men she never should have been with! <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The girl was a trip. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I can say she was always fly, though, but come on, baby Chan…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
26-year-old Chan really needs to buy this mobile camper for 6:23, and you got us in something not too big, not too unmanageable, but it definitely takes patience, and I honestly am still trying to define that last bit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Maybe I should apply to a job at The New Yorker or become a freelance writer for exposure. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Maybe I should submit this post to them for a little bit of clout.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Get my name back out there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But it’s out there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It’s out there for 6:23. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am the Junk Journal girl.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Maybe I could design a flyer. I nEED to design the November flyer. We’re finally doing a Saturday date.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Maybe I could make a flyer to promote I am the Junk Journal girl; come connect with us. It’s not even on my website! Yikes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Maybe that’s one step I can take. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I mean, it is on the blog.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A peace came over me. I am okay, and it almost brought tears to my eyes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am glad I left Biggby’s parking lot. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I didn’t get good news this morning; well, I did wake up to my paycheck. That was still a blessing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
26-year-old Chandra woke up to a debt that younger Chan caused. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And she didn’t cause it on purpose; she didn’t know. The goal now is: how can 26-year-old Chan grow from it? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I feel smarter, lighter, and more equipped to get the job done. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
My mindset is upgraded. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yeah, I did cry. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I cried a lot. Well, not this morning. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Instead, I went to the bathroom and laughed in the mirror because it’s still FriYay, and I still got money to buy myself an $8 coffee, and I finally got a friend to hang out with on Fridays because y’all know I love a good Friday vibe. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And I am not going to let the uncontrollable control my destiny because a hard moment isn’t a defining moment; it’s just a roadblock or a bump on the journey that can be solved and improved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It’s a sentence in a paragraph that’s just a part of a chapter that doesn’t summarize the entire book.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I could’ve sat and cried all morning about it. I could’ve been upset and unsure about it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I could’ve lost my mind and beat up my pillow. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Tossed a couple of clothes around. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But instead, I got dressed up, fluffed my hair, and grabbed one of my cutest bags. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Put my patent leather shiny platforms on and breathed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I told myself this isn’t a defining moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It’s just a score.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
One that’s not pressing right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am not about to buy a house.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Or move out anytime soon. I want to, but it’s nice knowing I have a cushion for a temporary situation that’s not permanent. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I told my coworker yesterday that if everything else fails, I could become a girl gamer. Klarna the new GTA and buy my little cousin’s Xbox, and boom. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Who wouldn’t want to watch the new GTA being played by a girl? A pretty one at that. <\/p>\n\n\n\n That’s a seasonal thing, ya know. <\/p>\n\n\n\n It’s true. <\/p>\n\n\n\n In spirit, attitude, power, and strength. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I could beg my mom for a $100 loan today, and she would give it to me. I could ask kindly, and she would. <\/p>\n\n\n\n This time, I don’t want to ask.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I want to handle it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Well, I want God to handle it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I am letting him handle it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I could let go.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I could lose myself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I could break down and lose my sanity. <\/p>\n\n\n\n But that’s not what I am choosing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Rather, it’s an $8 coffee or an hour scrolling TikTok, sending videos to my friends; I have to live. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I don’t think younger Chan was living; she was surviving. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Which isn’t horrible. <\/p>\n\n\n\n It’s not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But her survival mentality left her in debt with no plan of action.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I gotta stop trying to rewrite that chapter and chalk it up as what it is… <\/p>\n\n\n\n It’s easy to say that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But then it’s like…<\/p>\n\n\n\n Well, why didn’t my college get me that stable corporate job?<\/p>\n\n\n\n But then you remember.. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Well, some of those jobs weren’t my ideal places. I was just placed there. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Talking about the past is a bore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I would’ve kept scrolling if this was a video.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It’s not worth being discussed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I can’t keep thinking about what happened in college, what happened in 2023-2024. I have to focus on November 2026. <\/p>\n\n\n\n It’s October 30. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Coffee shop thoughts, <\/p>\n\n\n\n C.Alilijah<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" “Follow your dreams” <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":10101,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wprm-recipe-roundup-name":"","wprm-recipe-roundup-description":"","apple_news_api_created_at":"","apple_news_api_id":"","apple_news_api_modified_at":"","apple_news_api_revision":"","apple_news_api_share_url":"","apple_news_cover_media_provider":"image","apple_news_coverimage":0,"apple_news_coverimage_caption":"","apple_news_cover_video_id":0,"apple_news_cover_video_url":"","apple_news_cover_embedwebvideo_url":"","apple_news_is_hidden":"","apple_news_is_paid":"","apple_news_is_preview":"","apple_news_is_sponsored":"","apple_news_maturity_rating":"","apple_news_metadata":"\"\"","apple_news_pullquote":"","apple_news_pullquote_position":"","apple_news_slug":"","apple_news_sections":[],"apple_news_suppress_video_url":false,"apple_news_use_image_component":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1,376,6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10096","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-posts","category-lifestyle-content","category-whats-new"],"apple_news_notices":[],"yoast_head":"\nMom, I am rich<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Still choosing to live<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
You were just a college student<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
It’s becoming a bore<\/h2>\n\n\n\n